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  • Writer's pictureRachel Bennett

This is 45

When I started writing this blog, I had been thinking about it for a few years. I knew I had a lot to say about my health journey and my perspective on a lot of things health related. Physical health and mental health. I’m not really sure why I delayed starting it, but it took a while. So, at the end of 2020 I jumped in. I researched blog software that was super easy (and cheap), scrolled through my social media, took a few more selfies and just jumped in. I had no idea what I was doing, and still don’t honestly. All I knew then and still hold true to now is the fact that I have a lot to say. On a lot of things. And lately it’s all revolving around longevity.

Yesterday I turned 45. And I was celebrated well. Having my friends and family around me all day doing things that I love was just so special. I remember sitting down and just listening to all the voices around me and taking a second to enjoy the energy. Families hanging out together and laughing. Kids just going absolutely nuts… because they’re kids being kids. (Also, because someone decided chai tea boba at 8 p.m. was a great idea???) I was in my happy place. And that’s what this whole life thing is about, right?

So, this morning, I’m sitting and reflecting while sipping my blackest of black coffee out of my new coffee mug that says, “I’m not for everyone.” And realizing that my happy has nothing to do with the size of my jeans or the lines on my face. It has nothing to do with how much I can squat or how far I can run. It has nothing to do with the amount of money I make or how clean my house is. It has everything to do with love and the people that I surround myself with. And I want to cherish that for as long as I possibly can. Because what’s the point of being healthy and trying to live a healthy long life… a thriving life… if I don’t have people around to share it with. I think sometimes we get wrapped around the axels about things that don’t matter that sometimes we forget about that part of life. We focus too much on our careers and less on what we’re really working for. Or we obsess about our gym time and forget that sometimes we just need to sleep in and rest… and maybe cuddle a little bit. And when I say we… I mean me. (It’s me… I’m the problem, it’s me).

This whole health thing started just so I could lose some weight and to address my fear of debilitating disease. And it turns out that all the things that I began doing to get rid of something is now what I use to grow as a person. It’s a part of who I am. It’s become a part of my character. It drives the way that I think. I had a friend recently commend my discipline and dedication to being active. In that moment, I tried to think of how to respond. I started to ask why am I dedicated? What am I really working for. And I realized in that moment, I’m active because I love it. It’s my thing. It’s my happy place. Some people love to shop, or read, or rose’ all day… for me, I love to workout and be active. It’s not for everyone, but as the coffee mug says, “I’m not for everyone”. And that’s totally ok. It took me a while to get here, and it’s been a bumpy ride navigating through negative self-talk, comparison traps, social media backlash, and a lot of questioning what I really do this for. But this past year as I’ve lost and gained the same 15 lbs. at least once I realized that is not what matters. What does matter is that I’m continuing to figure out what health looks like for me. It matters that I’m continuing to evaluate what’s most important to me and the reasons why they’re important…. And then making necessary adjustments.

Am I where I want to be in my health? Not really. Am I who I want to be? I’m still working on that too. Am I proud of where I’ve come from and even more importantly where I’m going? Absolutely yes. THAT is where my happy is. And I hope to chase that happy for the next 55 years because 100 is the goal. 100 healthy years. So, I’m not even over the hill yet… I’m still climbing. And this next trip around the sun, I hope to focus on more of that. The journey. The work. The daily reminder to myself of who I am, what I love, and why I love it.

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